Jessica Marie (sparkler15) wrote,
Jessica Marie
sparkler15

HELP!...and some other things...

So.....here's whats going on:

1) working on my promotion at work. well, not really a promotion..but more of traiing to train other people. Im sorta nervous, but sorta pumped at the same time. I know i dont always get a long with john, but hes relatively excited for me, so i guess that means i should be happy. Im nervous though. There is soo much information i have to know, and i dont know if ill be able to remember it all. Plus, I have to get in front of Dirty D, a.k.a Diane, and make her believe that im actually equipped enough to do this job. Hopefully all goes well, because Kari wants to promote me even more, and that would be sweet. It would be a nice raise, but that woul dbe soo much more training i would have to go through, and i dont know if i could handle that right now.

2) school i suppose is going alright. I cant wait for thanksgiving break. Im going to lay on my ass and do nothing....okay, maybe ill see the people that come home from college, but other than that, im going to lay on my ass and do nothing. i've been working almost 40 hours a week, on top of going to school. my next problem - i havent been to bio in like two weeks. mom needs the car in the mornings, so i cant get there in time for class to start. it really sucks. im going to be so behind.

but 3) since im working so much, i now have enough money for my new car. Thanks michelle Miller - I took your advice and looked into libertys! they are really cheap right now, and the leases are awesome. The one i found is a stick, so hopefully ill get that one, but who knows! GOOD THINKING MICHY! I've got a little more than 2G's...so i think i can do it. we're going to go on thursday to talk to the sales guy, and then hopefully next week to sign on one right before thanksgiving. WHOO-HOO!

NOW the big stuff:

In my last post, I mentioned a dave guy. for those of you who still read my livejournal, I need some advice.

I know i mentioned on here that I got a bird. A cute little baby parakeet, teal blue, named phoenix. Well, one day I had gone in to buy phoenix food and to get his nails clipped and his beak filed down. This is where dave comes in. Dave works at the place where I bought phoenix, and he always seemed interested in me, but i never really thought anything of it. He asked me if I wanted to see his band play at teh berkley front - but i wasnt old enough to get in, so i couldnt go. Well, the next day he called and asked if I wanted to go to a wedding. I said sure, why not, so I went. We had sooo much fun1 We danced, we talked, I got to know his brother vito, and his girlfriend trina, his parents - the whole shot.

Well, he ended up coming over a couple days later and hanging out. We cuddle, we talked, we watched tv...then here is what makes me not too sure. He went to give me a hug goodbye, and a kiss - - and then i realized he cant kiss. Didnt know the basics to a kiss, anything. If iwas his first - i swear ill scream. Then to make matters worse, i find out he is completely a virgin.

This makes me question a relationship. Not because he is a virgin - but because there is a lot of emotional attachment to your first, and i would feel terrible not being able to return those feelings in quite the same way. To me, personally, that is something that Matt and I both shared together...i dont want to be the one who is resposible for the loss of two. I loved matt, and that was what i wanted, was for him to be the first..i just dont want this guy to end up later getting hurt (if we were to break up), and then have him be throw this virginity stuff in my face. I know it isnt as big a deal to guys as it is to girls - but you never know how someonone is going to react. thats my take.

I mean, hes 22 years old, a drummer in a relatively good band, who is doing well in the UK, he is an absolute doll...but he hasnt made it that far.


My questions
1. Is it right to freak out about it this? am i completely wrong for feeling this way?
2. What would you do: would you train that person to do what you wanted them to do, and take teh chance of them being completely and emotionally attached when you cant feel the same? -or- do I just say i want to be friends until he gains more experience? -or- as Steffi says: turn and run in the other direction as fast as you can?

He is soo nice, and soo sweet, and a complete gentleman..but in all relationships, you have to be physically attracted to the person and his lack-of-kissing-ability, makes me not attracted to him. Its the whole being physical deal. can you really be in a healthy relationship if you cant be physical?

What do I do guys? HELP ME!
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