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Jessica Marie

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facebook the new livejournal? [22 Mar 2009|08:33pm]
Does anyone even write in these things anymore?

It seems like this was a huge fad 6 years ago..now everyone is on facebook! i wonder in 6 years what well be communicating on then?

I guess ill keep this thing as a place to rant - although, its not like anyone will read it, since we all dont use it.

...but that could be a good thing?

(drop a line)

[14 Sep 2008|10:16pm]
I miss him so much it kills. I hate the physical distance between us. come home soon <3

(drop a line)

OMG! its been forever! [15 Feb 2008|11:52pm]
[ mood | super sleepy ]

I almost completely forgot i had this thing! not like many people look at these things anymore...but just in case. I've fallen off the face of the earth, basically, being busy with school and work and other things life has to throw at me.

so...to everyone who has called or emailed or messaged me and asked how life is going...here goes!

first - my little birdie, phoenix (who is happily running back and forth across my laptop screen), is doing well! He can talk and play soccer and hes working on throwing his ball into a net, but i think that might take him a little bit of time still. he eats the edges of all my homework assignments if they are left on my bedroom floor and poops EVERYWHERE (so needless to say im cleaning my entire room everyday), but i love him and he is becoming more accustomed to all the different people in my life. Hes my little dude!

and

school is going okay too. I got a 4.0 last semester, but thats becasue all i did was read and write papers. the worst part about it was that it was a history class...and you normally dont write all those papers in a history class (especially if its not your major), but i guess it was good for me since i need all the help writing essays i can get! this semester im having a bit more trouble with - since two of my teachers are BRAND NEW TO TEACHING - so they are taking it out on us..but itll only get me ready for grad school. I just cant wait for the semester to be over!! then its summer time - and ive got some plans that i cant wait to get started on.

and

then theres kyle. for most of you...you know who this is. and the most of you will admitt he was the worst thing anbd the best thing that ever happened to me in ways. He lives in florida now, working for disney, but we still talk everyday and we're still good freinds. he comes home in may and is planning on going to central in the fall, and i cant wait to see him. Even though i dont think central was necessarily a great choice for schools - it is one of the only schools that offers what he wants to do without him having to go out of state. so i guess a three hour drive to see him is better than bokoing a flight, right? (haha i rhymed..)

and

then there is ryan! <3 hes my current boyfriend and im sure my close freinds hate him right now because he has been stealing my spare time between work and school, but what can ya do? he is 28, works for ford in a plush corner office, has a house in rochester, and we've been together for a little over a year now. we are planning to go to the bahamas in may if everything still goes to plan with school and work. Im soo excited! hes tall, dark hair and eyes, and he is athletic. he ran an iron man two years ago and didnt do too bad for the conditions he was given, but since then he runs in marathons and things like that. Hes getting me in shape too - which i could use, besides my kickboxing class! but thats about all for him...if anything big happens ill let you know!

and

im working two jobs: potbelly and beaumont. most of the doctors are pretty nice, but you know how doctors can be. some are pretty cute too! =) watch out ryan!



Other than that...i guess thats about it. sorry i seemed dead for a while guys! i promise im back!

( 1 line drop a line)

im turning 20.... [05 Jun 2007|09:46pm]
my birthday is on saturday.

Mom asked me what i wanted this morning.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


KYLE

I want him for my brithday. I want him back

(drop a line)

[03 Jan 2007|08:04pm]
|B|R|O|W|N| |E|Y|E|S|

Either sexy as hell or are adorable. Loves to make new friends. Their relationship tends to be very honest because if they aren't truly in love, then the relationship won't work. They fall easily for their best friends. Will do anything for that special person. Kind and polite.Enjoys being with their guy/girl. LOVES to party. Can make ANYONE laugh or cheer them up. Loves to please the one they care for or love. EXTREMELY good kissers. Repost this if you have brown eyes and you will find the one that you are meant to be with within the next 7 days

|G|R|E|E|N| |E|Y|E|S|

-Sex Addicts!!! People with green eyes have the most passion put into relationships, they have long lasting relationships. People with green eyes are also the horniest and most beautiful. They long for the touch of another. People with green eyes are very sexy and very attracted towards the opposite sex. You will meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with if you repost this.

I have both. what the hell does that mean?

( 1 line drop a line)

HELP!...and some other things... [14 Nov 2006|02:02am]
So.....here's whats going on:

1) working on my promotion at work. well, not really a promotion..but more of traiing to train other people. Im sorta nervous, but sorta pumped at the same time. I know i dont always get a long with john, but hes relatively excited for me, so i guess that means i should be happy. Im nervous though. There is soo much information i have to know, and i dont know if ill be able to remember it all. Plus, I have to get in front of Dirty D, a.k.a Diane, and make her believe that im actually equipped enough to do this job. Hopefully all goes well, because Kari wants to promote me even more, and that would be sweet. It would be a nice raise, but that woul dbe soo much more training i would have to go through, and i dont know if i could handle that right now.

2) school i suppose is going alright. I cant wait for thanksgiving break. Im going to lay on my ass and do nothing....okay, maybe ill see the people that come home from college, but other than that, im going to lay on my ass and do nothing. i've been working almost 40 hours a week, on top of going to school. my next problem - i havent been to bio in like two weeks. mom needs the car in the mornings, so i cant get there in time for class to start. it really sucks. im going to be so behind.

but 3) since im working so much, i now have enough money for my new car. Thanks michelle Miller - I took your advice and looked into libertys! they are really cheap right now, and the leases are awesome. The one i found is a stick, so hopefully ill get that one, but who knows! GOOD THINKING MICHY! I've got a little more than 2G's...so i think i can do it. we're going to go on thursday to talk to the sales guy, and then hopefully next week to sign on one right before thanksgiving. WHOO-HOO!

NOW the big stuff:

In my last post, I mentioned a dave guy. for those of you who still read my livejournal, I need some advice.

I know i mentioned on here that I got a bird. A cute little baby parakeet, teal blue, named phoenix. Well, one day I had gone in to buy phoenix food and to get his nails clipped and his beak filed down. This is where dave comes in. Dave works at the place where I bought phoenix, and he always seemed interested in me, but i never really thought anything of it. He asked me if I wanted to see his band play at teh berkley front - but i wasnt old enough to get in, so i couldnt go. Well, the next day he called and asked if I wanted to go to a wedding. I said sure, why not, so I went. We had sooo much fun1 We danced, we talked, I got to know his brother vito, and his girlfriend trina, his parents - the whole shot.

Well, he ended up coming over a couple days later and hanging out. We cuddle, we talked, we watched tv...then here is what makes me not too sure. He went to give me a hug goodbye, and a kiss - - and then i realized he cant kiss. Didnt know the basics to a kiss, anything. If iwas his first - i swear ill scream. Then to make matters worse, i find out he is completely a virgin.

This makes me question a relationship. Not because he is a virgin - but because there is a lot of emotional attachment to your first, and i would feel terrible not being able to return those feelings in quite the same way. To me, personally, that is something that Matt and I both shared together...i dont want to be the one who is resposible for the loss of two. I loved matt, and that was what i wanted, was for him to be the first..i just dont want this guy to end up later getting hurt (if we were to break up), and then have him be throw this virginity stuff in my face. I know it isnt as big a deal to guys as it is to girls - but you never know how someonone is going to react. thats my take.

I mean, hes 22 years old, a drummer in a relatively good band, who is doing well in the UK, he is an absolute doll...but he hasnt made it that far.


My questions
1. Is it right to freak out about it this? am i completely wrong for feeling this way?
2. What would you do: would you train that person to do what you wanted them to do, and take teh chance of them being completely and emotionally attached when you cant feel the same? -or- do I just say i want to be friends until he gains more experience? -or- as Steffi says: turn and run in the other direction as fast as you can?

He is soo nice, and soo sweet, and a complete gentleman..but in all relationships, you have to be physically attracted to the person and his lack-of-kissing-ability, makes me not attracted to him. Its the whole being physical deal. can you really be in a healthy relationship if you cant be physical?

What do I do guys? HELP ME!

( 1 line drop a line)

[26 Oct 2006|01:36pm]
[ mood | They make me so mad ]

ALright, sp, small quick update before i have to leave to go to work:

1) phoenix is doing awesome! I taught him to play ball! Its so cute! You should all come over and see it.

2) my car is completely gone. The damage done > how much car is actually worth. So...now it time to start looking at leases! any ideas?

3) His name is Dave. :) im sorta excited about him!

4) I hate kyle.

end of update. Ill type more when i have time later tonight, but that is all for now.

Oh, and P.S.

To Mr. Arizona,

For all the "im not over her. why wont she give me my heart back.." stuff - - - - if you've taken a look at her myspace, she seems to be pretty well over you. Like i told you, she gave you your heart back a long time ago...your just not willing to accept it. So dont even yell at me about how I couldnt be over someone when he treats me like shit. Your still hanging on to nothing that doesnt exist 2000 miles away.

(drop a line)

*cries* [13 Oct 2006|04:19pm]
[ mood | upset beyond belief ]

So my life has definately hit rock bottom.

The other night kyle, my cousin mike, his girlfriend megan, and I were going out to eat at this restaurant named whiskeys in L.O to watch the tiger game and grab some desert. On the way there, I hit a deer. It was the saddest thing ever.

He was standing in the middle left hand turn lane, and I saw him. I turned off my brights because that only makes it worse for the deer. I went to slow down, to try and swerve around him, but he ran in front of my car anyway. I didnt honk becuase i didnt think that would help, so i just tried to go around.

Then i heard the worst sound in the world - *thud*

I hit him in the front. Later I found out I broke his leg. The poor deer.

I felt so bad. All i could do was cry. He just layed there in the street, facing towards oncoming traffic, looking into headlights. At one point, I had let ouyt a scream, and yelled at the dear that i was sorry. By this point I was bawling and coudlnt believe io had murdered a deer. He looked up, and back at me and my cousin. I wanted to run over to him, and pet him and tell him i was sorry and that it woud all be over soon - but Mike wouldnt let me get close to it. That made it even worse.

AS i cried on the side of the rode, two people had stopped to divert traffic. When the deer tried to get up to get off teh highway, I cried even harder, because it is the worst thing in the world to watch an animal be in pain, and not be able to do anything about it. I know i couldnt help him and i didnt want to watch the cop shoot him, so i didnt know what to do. I was panicing, and crying, and just wanting the deer to be okay.....

...it was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I felt like such a murderer.

THree guys had stopped and after the deer had died (thankfully before the cops got there), took the deer and put it in the back of his buddy's truck, and drove off.

The total damage to my car is: deployed airbag, white powder all over my car, the hoodis smashed in, and will need a paint job, and the grill and head light on the driver side are broke and smashed. Estimated cost to fix: $2500

I think I cried for about 12 hours afterwards. I felt so bad for the deer. That was all I could think about. Not my car, not the moeny, not evenm whether I was okay or not...the fact that I hit a deer.

I dont think i will ever be able to forgive myself....





So yesterday:

I was at work. Aaron (a student at WSU) had just given blood. He was telling Kelly that he needed to go drink something, and kelly recommened juice. There was a guy stading at the load station, and when he heard that gave Aaron $20. Aaron had told him "no thanks. I cant accept that." The guy insisted and was forcing this money on to Aaron. He kept telling Aaron that it was a great thing that he did. Aarom finally gave in and took the tip, and told the guy thank you about a millino times.

The guy proceeded down the line, to get his sandwich, and about 5 minutes later got to the register. Kelly insisted that she buy his sandwiches and the guy refused. After about 2 minutes of happy arguing and "no, its fine. I got it" and "no, sir, im paying for it"....he gave in sid fine. Before he left though, he counted six people, and left six $20 bills on the counter, and ran out of the store. Kelly tried to run and give him his money back, but the guys got in his car and drove off.

WE all stood there in shock, not knowing what to do. The couple at the nearest table laughed and asked how much the guy left. When we showed iot to him, the other customers in the store were in shock.



I dont know what to make of the past couple days events.

Hopefully everythign will work itself out.

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[28 Sep 2006|11:58pm]
Your sense of fun is contagious and your enthusiasm boundless -- no wonder hordes of people want to be by your side. Think of yourself as the ringleader in a cosmic circus of goodwill and good times.



okay....is that supposed to be some kind of sick joke?

(drop a line)

[04 Sep 2006|10:54am]
I got a birdie on friday! ^^ Im so excited! He is doing really well for his conditions. Mom and Anthony have this obsession with moving stuff around in his cage, so that is a little frustrating...but he is doing quite well. His name is Phoenix, and he is a baby blue parakeet. He poops a lot, and he likes to splash in his water dish..but he is really funny when he thinks nobody is looking. He isnt too big of a chirpper yet, but he starting to get more vocal as we go. Hopefully, ill be able to take a picture of him soon! You all should come over and see him!

(drop a line)

[28 Aug 2006|02:35pm]
I'm waitin' on the sun to set cause yesterday aint over yet
I started smoking cigarettes there's nothing else to do I guess
Dusty roads aint made for walking, spinning tires aint made for stoppin'
I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me

I gave it everything I had and everything I got was bad
Life aint hard but it's too long to live it like some country song
Trade the truth in for a lie, cheating really aint a crime
I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me

Forget your high society, I'm soakin' it in Kerosene
Light 'em up and watch them burn, teach them what they need to learn HA!
Dirty hands aint made for shakin', aint a rule that aint worth breakin'
Well I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me

Now I don't hate the one who left
You can't hate someone who's dead
He's out there holding on to someone, I'm holding up my smoking gun
I'll find somewhere to lay my blame the day she changes her last name
Well I'm giving up on love cause love's given up on me
Well I'm giving up on love HEY love's given up on me


"kerosene" - miranda lambert

(drop a line)

popo [16 Aug 2006|12:47pm]
The people at the troy probation department and fucking retarded.

First my P.O says "oh, if you go to this program, well take you off random drug testing.." So i was thinking cool, I wont have to worry about a time rush or anything for when Ill have to pee. She tells me to be at this one place on crooks at 11:00 today for the first part to this class.

When I get there though, they dont have me down for the stop-your-drug-testing-class...but this other one that will become extremely obnixious as the months roll on. Now I have a color and a letter. If either one of these is reported on the hotline in the morning, I have to go in and take the test that associates with the number/letter.

i was in there for over 2 hours today. Do they not get that a full time college student, who works practically full time, and may have another job soon, has time to sit there that long? why can they do it all at once?

oh thats right....because that would make life way to easy.

Even people with office jobs who come in would have to agree with me. THe time they are open for test is from 9-5. MOST PEOPLE WITH OFFICE JOBS WORK THOSE HOURS ASSHOLES! c'mon...

I think some people need to think this through a little bit more.

They dont even give you 24 hours notice anymore, like they did before. If your number/letter is on the hotline, you have to be there before 4 to take the test. oh yeah...becuase that makes perfect sense.

i swear....troy is full of IDIOTS!

______________________________________________________________________________________________

other than that, life is okay.

I still dont know what Im doing about kyle. The whole situation makes no sense at all, and its not like this problem will be resolved anytime soon. Until he wants what I want, or we can at least agree on something in the middle, we will both be stuck in this position until one of us decided to leave. wonder love life, eh?

School starts up in about 2 weeks. freaking lovely. I have to call them bastards too.

thats really about it for now I guess. Just some random venting. Im going to try and take a nap before work. I was out till 5 last night. v.v

(drop a line)

[26 Jul 2006|05:05pm]
I love you

( 5 lines drop a line)

[19 Jul 2006|01:03pm]
mom started to charge me rent today for living at home.

anyone looking to move out? anyone need a roomie?

why pay rent to live with my parents, when I can pay rent and live on my own, or with someone who id rather spend more time with?

Its just annoying

(drop a line)

MEN [11 Jul 2006|02:37pm]
Couple good things to write about:

1) John is an absolute doll! Probably the only manager I dont mind working OT for. such a sweetheart.

2) Excited for August. I think Im going camping with Kyle, Scott, and Shortie....and most likely Rochelle! Even though her family reunion is right on the other side of he river, we'll still get to see her and be able to hang out! How totally cool is that?

3) Also working on another trip back to toronto. I miss my alex. He called me this morning around 4:00 just to say he was thinkng about me. He was asking all these really cute questions like "do you remember where our first kiss was? Do you remember the first thing you said to me?" really cute I thought.

4) Seth came into work yesterday. I missed that kid. Im sad I dont get to see him as much as I used to. Sethy-poo, there is a lot we need to talk about, and Im sure there is stuff you have to tell me too! *wink*



Ahh, the men in my life make me happy - for once.

( 7 lines drop a line)

[04 Jul 2006|07:00pm]
To Whom it May Concern:


I hear you've been asking about me. Its touching, it really is....when its truthful. But please, do not ask a third party how Im doing and what I've been up to just to make conversation. If you really care, like you say , dont you think by now you would have called me? Even if it is just to say hello?

And dont say "but JP, I dont have your cell number! I dont have the number to your house! How am I supposed to get a hold of you if I dont have your numbers?" good question my friend, but may I remind you that the people you hang out with, or at least the one you chat about me with, has all of my numbers, emails addresses, and screen names. So, there is no excuse to not having a way to get in touch with me or getting a method of contact.

"JP, I havent had much time though.." you say. Oh yes, the life of an OCC student is so hard. The way I see it: if you have to time to play with your lesbian girlfriend and sit at computer games all day, then you have time to talk to old friends that you claim to care so much about. I know Im not the only one feeling a little lost and piised off about why they were never called anymore, but Im the only one who is going to tell you so.


In short --- Any kind of connection you have with someone, whether that is a friendship or a relationship, has to be two sided or it will never work. Can you guess why I stopped calling? The reason I stopped caring?

Because it is hard to be friends with someone who cares only about themself.


By the way.... I'm fine Never been better.

- Jessica

(drop a line)

[03 Jul 2006|02:14pm]
i had a big entry written down about how I was confused about a certain situation, but I figured that I could probably sum it up in a lot less.

For those of you who have seen Hitch:

remember the part where sarah goes with her friend casey to the speed dating, and hitch shows up, and they get into the big argument between dates? And after the entire scene at the date-place is over Hitch says 'I want everyone to see this, right here....this is why falling in love is so god damn hard' and strms out?

Thats exactly how Im feeling.

I dont know what to do about him anymore. We had the best conversation the other night after the fireworks and even though he didnt resolve a lot of his problems, I got to ask the questions I've been wanting to for a long time. the problem is, hes only sincere around me or when its with a group of my close friends that he is really able to open up and tell me how he is feeling. Those are the times I fall in love with him, and those are the times he tells me he loves me too.

So im utterly confused.

I need to figure out whats going on, and fast.

(drop a line)

[28 Jun 2006|12:56pm]
Not that im really big into horscopes too much, but the ones that keep coming up are just so ironically funny:

There's a nice warm place in your heart where you keep special memories and nostalgic ideas, but it's not an infinite space, and right now you need to make some room. There are a few old exes, forgotten dreams and outdated philosophies that need to get cleaned out. Many of these things feel necessary from an emotional point of view, but from a realistic point of view (which is what you need to use), they could be holding you back. Don't hold on to things that are too stale.

(drop a line)

[24 Jun 2006|10:41pm]
it makes perfect sense. according to a myspace bulletin, Im everything i thought we were.

He is:

(born in) JANUARY
handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to
recover when hurt. Stubborn.

I am:

JUNE
You've got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
and more than likely have an a very attractive
partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely
that you have a massive record collection. You
have a great choice in films, and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you've got the looks for it!!!


besides the actress part, I can totally see how I was right, and he was wrong. Im finding it easier to not give a shit about him anymore...not that is was ever hard to do, but its soo much easier now that I know how hes really feeling. since - "you're not pregnant, I have nothing left to hold on too."

yeah, fuck you too, asshole.

( 1 line drop a line)

my feelings exactly [21 Jun 2006|02:22pm]


You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

[Chorus]
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

[Chorus]

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

Leave the pieces when you go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

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